Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
