I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
