Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
