Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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