Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize