Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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