Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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