I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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