I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
