; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
