just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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