wat bout pragnant strippers??
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You're like the curious george of whores
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
