remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My feet surprised me
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