This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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