At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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