Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
