It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
