when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
