You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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