Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
