you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
