i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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