You just made me feel so damn special
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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