drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
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the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
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My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i've created a new STD.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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