remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
