Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
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