her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Couch. On fire.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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