Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
