Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
