Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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