Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
