I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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