Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just pee around me
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
