A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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