Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize