Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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