All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
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Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize