Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.