Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
