video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
