So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
