Sponge bath it is.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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