The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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