When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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