Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
