Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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