sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
