I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
