Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
