Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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