Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
