apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
