I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
