i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i used baking grease as lip gloss
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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