I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
