I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
