i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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