just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
