He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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